“Do or do not. There is no try.” –Yoda
January 2012 During this time of year, we celebrate the notion of resolutions, leading some of us to satisfy a craving for making a change in our lives. Yet, this idea of resolution making seems to only last during the beginning of the year, disappearing from our minds until next year rolls around. But New Year’s shouldn’t be the only time we take to reflect on life or to set goals. Any moment in time—even next month, tomorrow, today, the next minute—is an opportunity to make a resolution.
But here’s the thing about resolutions: they’re easy to say, but hard to do—“I’m going to the gym starting Monday,” “I’m signing up for OkCupid.com at the end of the month,” “I’m fixing up my office this week,” “I’m finally organizing the garage,” or “I’m going to make more time for family.” It seems so common for us to say and to know what we want, but we get tangled up in the action. Why is it so hard to move past the words and make it happen?
Well, for starters, we aren’t perfect. Sometimes we feel stuck. Or it doesn’t feel like the right time, or we feel like we are not in the right place. It’s like we are waiting for the right moment, when all the stars line up, and Mars and Venus align…etc. We find excuses to postpone what we really want in life, and then we end up feeling lost, confused and angry with ourselves. What’s the deal with that?
Maybe part of it has to do with fear. What if I try to communicate my needs better, but our relationship still fails? What if I sign up for online dating, and I don’t meet anyone? What if I go to the gym, but I don’t see results? It may be true that things might not work out the way you want, but if you don’t try, then you never know the potential your actions might have yielded. By not making a move, you have chosen to give up on possibilities. And when you really take a look at it, giving up is a much scarier option.
The other factor is that we get comfortable with where we are. Most of us are creatures of habit, and like to expect the expected. It’s hard to give up the typical evening ritual after coming home from work or to change the weekend routine. It’s nice to know that some things can be predictable and controlled. Trying something new means making changes to what we have become used to. And for a lot of people, that’s just way too much. But then we feel discontent with life.
If you are serious about your resolutions and want to make changes, it is possible. The first step is making the decision to stand by it, and taking small steps to get you started. It helps to think about your goal and to make it realistic. Write it down on a post-it, in a journal or on a calendar. It helps to serve as a reminder and a motivator. Imagine what meeting your goal would look like. Take a moment to sit down, close your eyes and envision going through with your goal. Is it realistic? Does it fit into your life? Rearrange it to make it work for you.
It’s important to give yourself credit when small things happen. If you planned to go to the gym three times this week, but only made it once, that’s cause for celebration! Don’t dwell on the negative—it will keep you from moving forward. Be careful not to set yourself up for failure by making things overwhelming. If you want to clean out your closet, tell yourself, “I am going to clean the closet from 10am-12pm on Sunday, and then I will go from there.”
Sometimes, we let a misstep throw us into a slump. One pitfall does not mean your goal is gone. If you and your partner are working on better communication, but get into an argument, don’t leave with the attitude, “It’s useless. We’ve already argued; that’s just the way we are.” Change your thinking to, “I’m not perfect. We’re not perfect. But we are trying our best and we will continue to try.”
Anxiety is also a part of the process. When you’re trying something new and maybe uncomfortable, it’s only logical that you feel a little nervous. Pushing through it is the way to overcome it. Breathe a little, practice some meditation, call a friend for support—do what you need to do to calm and to regulate yourself in order to move forward. Remember to try to accept and to live in the moment. Most people are worried about the future or wonder how they should have done something differently in the past. Reflecting and hoping are healthy, but live in the now. This moment is the only thing that you really have; the rest is either over or unknown.
